Geeks and the Holy Grail Read online

Nimue watched him work. “Um…” she said hesitantly. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

  He turned. “What?”

  She nodded in the direction of the chicken, still strutting in circles inside the pot. “Our little feathered friend?”

  “Oh, right. I suppose you want it grail-shaped again.”

  “Yes, please. I still need to get it to Camelot.” She paused, then added, “Somehow…”

  A sudden heaviness draped over her shoulders, blanketing her earlier panic. She’d been in full survival mode since she’d run from the camp, but now the reality of her situation was starting to seep in. Her sisters were dead. There was no one left to help her. She was alone.

  She shook her head, trying to firm her resolve. She was a druid of Avalon and she had a mission. That had not changed. She would get the Grail to Camelot one way or another. And then she’d figure out what to do next.

  If she made it. Her stomach wormed with uneasiness as she thought of the journey ahead of her. The roads were dangerous, even for a group. And Morgana would not give up looking for the Grail.

  Perhaps she could ask Emrys to join her…? Having a wizard—even one who was only in training—could help. She nodded to herself, resolving to ask him, once he returned the Grail to its rightful form. Surely he would be honored to assist in such a noble quest.

  Emrys walked over and grabbed the chicken by the neck. It screeched and tried to peck his hand. For an ancient relic that had been living under a mountain for the last thousand years, it was pretty feisty, she thought. She’d be glad to see it return to its non-animal state.

  The two of them headed back to Merlin’s inner chamber, Emrys setting the chicken down on a table and grabbing the strange rectangle Merlin evidently used as a spell book. Emrys scanned the screen, then muttered something under his breath. A moment later, the chicken disappeared in a puff of white smoke.

  Leaving behind…a slug?

  “Um…” Nimue said.

  Emrys scrunched up his face. “One moment.”

  He muttered some more words. Conjured up more smoke. Nimue had to admit, he was very good at the smoke-making thing. But when the air cleared…

  “A loaf of bread?” she cried. “I admit, it does look delicious. But…”

  Emrys groaned. His forehead was now drenched in sweat and his hands were shaking. His voice wobbled as he intoned yet another spell. This time producing an even larger plume of smoke—practically filling the back of the cave. And then…

  BURP.

  The smoke cleared. The bread was gone.

  And in its place was…a baby dragon?

  “What on earth?” Nimue cried in dismay.

  It was about the size of a small dog, with shiny red scales, piercing green eyes, and a long swishy tail. And when it opened its mouth, it let out a large belch—and a tiny fireball shot through the air. Nimue backed away quickly to avoid having her hair go up in flames.

  She turned to Emrys accusingly. “I said I needed it grail-shaped.”

  “I know! I’m sorry!” Emrys cried, collapsing onto a nearby chair. He raked a hand through his messy hair. “I can’t do it. I can’t change it back.”

  “What?” Nimue stared at him, horrified. “But you said—”

  “I know what I said. But I…well, I might have been stretching the truth a bit,” he admitted, his cheeks coloring a bright red. “I haven’t been an apprentice very long, you see. In fact, I’ve only been an apprentice for three days.”

  “Three…days?”

  He shrugged sheepishly. “I arrived early. I was too excited to wait. But Merlin was leaving for his trip two days later. So he told me I could stay here until he came back. Then we would start our training.”

  “So you have no training?” Nimue cried. “You don’t know magic?” This was unbelievable. She’d actually put the fate of the world in the hands of a total novice?

  “I knew enough to save your precious Grail,” he protested. “If it weren’t for me, it’d be in the hands of Morgana’s men right now!”

  Nimue opened her mouth to speak, but a sudden horrible smell assaulted her nose. “Ew!” she cried, glaring at Emrys. “Did you just…?”

  Emrys’s jaw dropped. “No!” he cried. He paused, then wrinkled his brow. “Honestly, I think it was the Grail.”

  Nimue slowly turned to look at the dragon. It looked back at her, a guilty grin seeming to stretch across its reptilian face. It was then that she noticed the small puff of smoke trailing out from under its tail. She scrunched up her face in disgust, pinching her nose with her fingers.

  “This is a disaster!” she exclaimed. “A true disaster.”

  “If you could just wait here for Merlin…”

  “There’s no time for that!” she protested. “Arthur is sick. I need to get the Grail to him or else he will die.”

  Emrys moaned. He rose to his feet and stalked across the cave, his steps eating up the distance between the walls. “What have I done?” he wailed, seeming to be talking to himself more than to Nimue. “Merlin’s going to be furious with me. He might even refuse to train me. My whole life I’ve wanted nothing but to become a wizard! What if he sends me home?”

  Nimue sighed. He looked so pathetic. It was hard to stay mad at him. And he had helped her keep the Grail from Morgana’s men, she supposed. Better a stinky dragon here than a holy cup in the sorceress’s hands.

  “Look,” she said. “There might be another way.”

  “Really?” Emrys’s voice was filled with hope.

  “You asked earlier if I was a Companion,” she reminded him. “I’m not, of course. But I can summon them. I think I can, anyway. Vivianne taught me once. It’s for emergencies only. But…”

  The baby dragon enthusiastically launched itself off Merlin’s table. It flapped its wings twice, then dropped like a stone to the floor, landing in a tangled heap. Nimue rolled her eyes.

  “I think this qualifies,” she finished.

  Emrys looked like he wanted to hug her. “It definitely qualifies!” he cried instead, reaching down to scoop up the dragon and set it back on the table. “If anyone can help, it’ll be the Companions.”

  Nimue nodded. “Well, then,” she said. “Let’s give it a try.”

  She reached under her tunic, finding the pocket of her robe, and pulled out the scrap of parchment paper containing the invocation to summon the Companions. Druids were required to keep it on them at all times, and thankfully, she’d not left it behind like her spell book.

  Then, as Emrys and the dragon watched, she recited the Camelot Code.

  “You have got to be kidding me.”

  Sophie emerged from the dressing room Saturday morning, stepping in front of the large mirror and staring down in dismay at the bridesmaid dress she was wearing. It was literally the ugliest article of clothing she’d ever put on. For one thing, it was bright orangey-peach. It also had puffed sleeves and a high waist and waves of frothy chiffon ruffles poufing out the skirt. She looked like one of those creepy porcelain baby dolls that always seemed to come alive in horror movies.

  “Orange,” she muttered. “Who would actually pick orange on purpose?”

  Maybe it was a joke? She glanced around the bridal shop, praying to find a hidden camera. Like the ones you always saw on those reality shows on TV. A moment later a stylishly outfitted lady would bring her the actual dress she was to wear to her dad’s wedding and say—

  “You look GORGEOUS!”

  She whirled around. Cammy stood behind her, clapping her hands in delight. Hands, Sophie couldn’t help but notice, with fingernails painted the exact same color as her dress.

  So much for a reality-TV miracle.

  “Oh, honey,” Cammy purred. “You are just something in that dress. It reminds me of—”

  “A rotten pumpkin?” Sophie proposed.

  “—peaches and cream!” Cammy finished proudly. “Like a Barbie doll come to life!” As if that were something people would actually strive to look like.
/>   “Ta-da!” Ashley cried, whirling out of the other dressing room, her identical peaches-and-vomit dress swirling around her. She stopped in front of her mother. “Oh, Mom!” she gushed. “It’s to die for!”

  Sophie wrinkled her nose. Die of embarrassment wearing this in public, maybe….

  “My two girls!” Cammy cooed, grabbing Sophie in a headlock and dragging her into a forced group hug with her soon-to-be stepsister. Sophie tried to squirm away, but Miss Cheetos-Colored Fingernails had a killer grip. All those Pilates classes, she supposed. “You guys are going to be superstars out there! You’ll totally upstage the bride!”

  “Uh, then maybe you should wear an orange dress, too?” Sophie suggested.

  She could feel Ashley shoot her an annoyed look. “Don’t be ridiculous, Mom,” she scolded. “You are going to be the most beautiful bride ever! Hashtag-no-filter even!” She kissed her mom on the cheek. “Now let’s see that dress!”

  Cammy squealed—actually squealed—and Sophie almost ate it as she was dropped like a hot potato from the hug as her stepmother-to-be skipped over to the dressing room. “Okay,” Cammy said, peeking out from behind the curtain, a mischievous grin spreading across her face. “Ready or not! Here comes the bride!”

  She closed the curtain. Ashley turned to Sophie, her bright eyes narrowing into slits. “You know you could at least pretend to be into this,” she scolded. “After all, my mom didn’t have to make you a bridesmaid.”

  Sophie felt her hackles rise. It’s not like she had asked to be one. In fact, the only reason she agreed to it in the first place was so as to not hurt her father’s feelings. He’d been so excited when Cammy had made the suggestion that “both our girls” be by her side on their big day. Sophie didn’t have the heart to say no.

  She opened her mouth. Probably to say something she would regret. But before she could speak, her cell phone chimed, signaling a text message. Saved by the iPhone.

  She ran over to her discarded backpack and pulled out her phone. She assumed, at first, it would be Stu, gloating that he’d just gotten the high score on Plants vs. Zombies or something. At least he was having a good spring break.

  She looked down at the screen and her breath caught in her throat. The text wasn’t from Stu at all. Her hands shook so hard she almost dropped the phone as she silently read the message.

  Rex quondam, Rexque Futurus

  “What is it?” Ashley asked, sounding curious despite herself. “Oh my gosh, is Stu having another video-game crisis? You tell that kid he needs to put it on pause. After all, we’ve got important things to—”

  Sophie shoved the phone in her bag. “I’ve got to go.”

  “What? No way. You’re not going anywhere!” Ashley cried. “You haven’t even seen my mom’s dress!”

  “Text me a photo. This can’t wait.” Sophie glanced around the dress shop, heart pounding in her chest. Of all the times for the Camelot Code to arrive, it had to be now? When she was with Ashley? Wearing this hideous dress?

  She bit her lower lip, wondering what she should do. Cammy was occupying the changing room. And who knew how long her stepmother’s grand reveal was going to take? What if the code was only good for a limited time?

  “Excuse me?” she called out to the shopkeeper. “Do you have a bathroom?” She could at least change in there….

  “Yes. In the back,” the woman said.

  “Great. Thanks.” She turned to Ashley. “Tell your mom I’m sorry.”

  She grabbed her backpack and pile of clothes and dashed to the bathroom. Only when she got there did she realize she’d left her jeans in the dressing room. Great. She looked down at the dress. Guess she’d be saving the world in peaches and puke.

  Pulling out her phone, she drew in a breath, then readied herself to say the words. Her mind raced with excitement and a little fear. What would the crisis be? How would she be able to help? Could it be another false alarm? Another test? Or were they really calling on her this time—needing her help on some valiant mission across time and space?

  There was only one way to find out.

  “On the count of three,” she told herself. “One, two…” She cleared her throat. “Rex quondam, Rexque Futurus!”

  “Sophie? Are you in here?”

  She looked up, just in time to see Ashley barging into the bathroom. “My mom says she’s supposed to take you home and—”

  But she never got a chance to finish her sentence. Because at that very moment, the Code kicked in. And both Sophie and Ashley disappeared.

  I will never get used to time travel, thought Sophie, rubbing her aching head. She’d done it three times now and each time she was pretty sure she’d lost a few brain cells in the process. Every time she did it, she woke up dizzy and disoriented and sore all over. Her kingdom for a nice, cushy TARDIS like in Doctor Who.

  She blinked twice, rubbing her eyes, trying to clear her head, which felt as if it had been stuffed with cotton candy. She forced herself to sit up, though her entire body protested the movement. Still, she couldn’t risk waiting for the time-travel sickness to go away on its own. After all, the first time she’d traveled? She’d landed smack-dab in the middle of the road and had almost gotten run over by a pack of evil knights on horseback. If Arthur hadn’t been there to save her, it would have been game over for sure.

  This time, however…

  Her vision cleared. Her eyes fell to glittering gemstones embedded in the wall. The rack of swords and shields. She sniffed, noting the lingering scent of oldish pea soup.

  And something decidedly stinkier.

  Ew. She wrinkled her nose. Next time she traveled through time? She was so bringing back a can of Glade. Or nose plugs at least. Her poor twenty-first-century nostrils were clearly not equipped to deal with the realities of a world without indoor plumbing and deodorant.

  But in the end, even the stench couldn’t squash the excitement rising inside her. Because she knew exactly where she was. Back in time. In Merlin’s Crystal Cave. On an official Camelot Code assignment at long last.

  She rose to her feet, her heart pounding with anticipation. And admittedly a little fear. This was not just some vacation, after all. This was a big deal. They might ask her to do something dangerous. Something possibly even deadly. Like infiltrating a band of outlaws. Outwitting a nasty troll. Descending into a deep cave to find a long-lost jewel. She and Stu had come up with all sorts of wild possibilities while waiting for the Code to come. And now she’d finally get to find out for real.

  In her haste, she stepped over an upended table, heading toward Merlin’s back room, where he usually hung out on his computer. “Merlin?” she called out, sure enough catching sight of a glowing blue light in the back. His monitor, she assumed. He was probably gaming. Or bingeing some new Netflix show. (He was super into the BBC Merlin show, go figure.) It was still a mystery to her how he was able to hijack Wi-Fi from the future and she wondered if he had his own account or had “borrowed” someone’s password. “Are you—”

  “GURG.”

  Sophie cried out in surprise as she accidentally tripped over a large lump on the floor, and grabbed on to a chair to keep her balance. A plume of dust burst into the air, causing her to sneeze.

  “Wow. This place is even messier than usual,” she said, marveling, looking around. “And that’s saying something!” Merlin should seriously consider time-traveling a group of Merry Maids once in a while—or at least a Roomba….

  She leaned down to move whatever it was she’d tripped over. Her fingers brushed across something very…fluffy. And very…orange.

  Or—perhaps more precisely—very peaches and cream…

  Sophie’s eyes widened in horror. “Oh no,” she whispered.

  Her mind flashed back to the scene in the dress shop, just as she’d been reciting the Code. She’d been so excited to get here, she’d almost forgotten how the door had swung open. How Ashley had burst in at the exact moment Sophie had finished the incantation.

  “
No, no, NO!”

  Ashley poked her head up and squinted. “Sophie? What…? How…?” She shook her head, as if having difficulty forming words. She was still foggy from the trip. But it would only take her a moment to—

  “AHHHHHH!” Ashley screeched, her eyes darting around the room. “Where am I? What is this? What—”

  Sophie pounced on Ashley, covering her mouth with her hand. “Shh,” she hushed her. “It’s okay. Everything’s okay!”

  Well, sort of okay, anyway. Besides the obvious major issue of Ashley Jones having accidentally hitchhiked a ride through time on Sophie’s Camelot Code. Which, in Sophie’s opinion, wasn’t okay at all. Stu was supposed to be her plus one. Not her stupid almost stepsister. How on earth was she going to explain this to Ashley in a way that made sense?

  Or at least in a way that made her stop screaming for two seconds.

  She met Ashley’s eyes with her own, trying to make her expression as calming as possible. As if this wasn’t the biggest disaster in the entire universe. “I’m going to take my hand away now. But do not scream, okay?”

  Ashley managed to nod, her blue eyes bulging. Sophie sighed and released her. Ashley collapsed onto the floor. “Is this a dream?” she demanded. “Tell me this is a dream.”

  For a moment, Sophie contemplated saying yes. No big deal, nothing to see here, just a big old fat dream. But then what if Ashley tried to do something crazy to wake herself up? Like jump off a cliff or something? That would be a tough one to explain to Dad.

  “It’s…not a dream,” she said carefully. “We’ve just gone on a little trip, that’s all.”

  “A trip…?”

  “You know. To another place…” Sophie bit her lower lip. “And time?”

  “Excuse me?”

  This was not going well. Not that she’d expected it to. “Look, just chill for two seconds, okay?” Sophie begged. “We’ll find Merlin and have him get you home.”

  “Merlin? Is that some new ride-share app?”

  For the love of…“Just…trust me, okay?”

  The look on Ashley’s face told her she wouldn’t trust Sophie to pick out the right shade of lip gloss at Sephora, but clearly she had no choice. Which made Sophie feel a teeny bit smug. After all, it wasn’t every day one got to see Ashley Jones completely out of her element. For the first time ever, geek-girl Sophie had the upper hand.